For Today

The mystery of my mood swings leaves me spinning.
Yesterday I found a little piece of myself that made a difference. I smiled inside. It was enough.
Today it seems there is no allowance for life to unfold. My mind wants everything wrapped up and packaged neatly to avoid messiness.
There are magnets in my brain with their opposing poles pushing away from each other.
And my response is to lock up, be irritable, and resentful of containing them.
It's as if there is some secret doorway that I don't know how to find. I just stumble upon it every now and then. It leads to a place where the jigsaw puzzle pieces fall into place with each other. I like it there.
And I keep searching. The problem is when I can't find it, I feel my shortcomings all the more. Because I am quite certain I should know where it is.