School (probably the first of many post on this subject)

I have begun seriously exploring private education for my boys.
 And not only does the undo-able price tag frighten me, I find I am overcome with anxiety about the application process. Petrified of rejection. It's almost to the point of stopping me from even looking at the options.
John keeps saying "if they don't want us we don't want them". Yeah. I know.
And also there is the form they all seem to need, that gets filled out by the student's current teacher. I know how it will read. And it won't look good. "If they don't know our kids and see past this, then we don't want them" says John. "They need to know the boys" John says.
Yes. It's true.
It's just that......
No matter how much I love my boys, I have trouble believing others will look beyond the troubles and see the good.
Is this a lack of faith in my boys? Or a lack of faith in others? In educators?
And I also have a horrible stereotype of private school administrators in my head. I think it comes from tv shows about families going through hoops to get their kid into a school, going to meetings with snooty judgmental admissions officers looking down their noses. I don't want to be the begging, shananigan doing parent desperate to get into the "right" school. I want to get my kids the education that will help them flourish. I want them to discover how to be the best they can be, and enjoy learning. I want them to believe in themselves and be good people.
Public school is pushing them through the hoops. They are falling short of the public school expectations. They don't sit still well. They are not dumb. But sometimes they think of  themselves that way. And behave correspondingly.
I need to explore the options.
Push myself past this anxiety.
Yet another part of this parenting process I would like to run from, and know I just can't. I am their advocate. I must do what needs to be done, to the best of my ability.
The fact that they are not your "typical" or "average" student can not get in the way of me helping them thrive.
 Yes, there is also homeschooling.
That's a whole other post waiting to happen; "Why Eden Can't See Herself Homeschooling".